Wrong Methods of Choosing a Life Partner:
There are several wrong methods that
are generally used by some people who go into marriage relationships. Such
wrong methods cannot be said to be spiritual guidance in choosing a life
partner. But they are merely leaping to the unknown with their eyes firmly
closed. Such wrong methods had led to weak foundations for marriage and over 75
per cent of such marriages had collapsed, with some passing through very
terrible situations. Such wrong methods are discussed below:-
Making one’s decision
before praying for confirmation:
There are people who had made the
choice of their future life partners, before seeking God’s face. They pray and
seek signs for the confirmation of their choice. For example, a young man who
had concluded on his own to marry a young girl, might pray and say, “If the
girl will buy and present a white handkerchief to me, it will signify that it
is God’s will for me to marry her.” This method is not only deceptive, but
manipulative by the enemy. It shows unbelief and lack of trust in the Living
God. This method is commonly used by those boys who are not sure of what they
want from God. They are deceived for lack of understanding. Girls can also use
this method where they have more than one boy coming to ask for their hand in
marriage. But in all, young people should beware as signs that go after choices
are pre-determined.
“The
coming of the lawless one is according to the working of Satan with all power,
signs and lying, wonders, and with all unrighteous deception, they did not
receive the love of truth, that they might be saved” (2 Thessalonians 2:19, 10
NKJV).
Praying
and asking contrary to God’s word:
It is wrong to pray and ask for future
life partner contrary to God’s word. Many young people had prayed and asked for
future life partners contrary to God’s word due to covetousness. There are
instances where many young people had prayed and asked God’s approval for
marriage relationship with unconverted souls, or people of other faiths without
the knowledge of God.
Some of the young people do this
because of what they have seen in the persons, the things of the world that
cannot endure eternal test, and because of what they can gain from the marriage
relationship. It ought not to be so. Like Prophet Balaam, who went to King
Balak in an attempt to curse the Israelites because of his covetousness and
prayed contrary to the word of God. God permitted him to go to meet King Balak.
This was not the perfect will of God, but a permissive will of God, God
reluctantly, permitted Prophet Balaam in order to teach him a lesson. Yet
Prophet Balaam suffered for his stubbornness.
“Then
Balaam answered and said to the servant of Balak, though Balak were to give me
his house full of silver and gold, I would not go beyond the word of the Lord
my God, to do less or more. Now therefore, please, you also stay here tonight that
I may know what more the Lord will say to me.
And God
came to Balaam at night and said to him, if the men come to call you, rise and go
with them, but only the word which I speak to you that you shall do”. (Numbers
22:18-20 NKJV).
Many who had asked and prayed contrary
to the word of God may be granted permissive will to go into such marriage
relationship. But, God may warn others not to go into the marriage
relationship, yet such persons may not hear because they had already made up
their minds to contract such marriage. I advice every youth seeking for a life
partner to ask, pray and seek the perfect will of God in marriage. It is the
best for every heavenly citizen.
The use of ballot:
The use of fleece or ballot on two or
more persons to determine who will be the suitable companion by the person who
wants to get into marriage is wrong. It is true that Gideon used fleece as a
sign to confirm that God was the person who gave him (Gideon) the commission to
deliver his people who were being oppressed at that time by the midianites.
In this dispensation, there is no need
for the use of fleece in seeking spiritual guidance because of the presence of
the Holy Spirit, who is the greatest teacher, guide and counsellor, the word of
God and marriage counsellors.
At that time of Gideon, the Holy
Spirit was not fully available to all and the word of God was relatively scarce
and there were no adequate counsellors, hence the use of fleece at that time of
Gideon. At this time, it is therefore wrong to seek spiritual guidance in
marriage through the use of fleece.
Prophecy or
revelation through other persons:
Many people had got married to their
spouses through what they call revelation or prophecy from their friends,
pastors, prophets or apostles in their churches. Some of such marriages
contracted in that way had hit the rock. Revelation of life partner through
other persons is not an ideal method of spiritual guidance in choosing a life
partner. Revelation or prophecy from others may only be a confirmation of what
God had already revealed to the beneficiary, the person directly involved.
Many Christian youths had been
deceived and lured into unplanned marriages through the use of prophecy and
revelation of other christians especially among the pentecostal and evangelical
churches. Therefore, you must take heed and beware of what the Bible says about
Satan. “And no wonder! Satan himself transforms
himself into an angel of Light” (2 Corinthians 11:14 NKJV).
It is important to note that the
revelation of life partners through others could be very dangerous. Many old
prophets had deceived men of God. An example is the historical event recorded
for our learning in first kings.
“And he
(man of God) said ‘I cannot return with you nor go in with you, neither can I eat
bread nor drink water with you in this place. For I have been told by the word of
the Lord ... He (old prophet) said to the man of God I too am a prophet as you
are and an angel spoke to me by the word of the Lord saying, bring him back
with you to your house, that he may eat bread and drink water,” (He lied to the
man of God) (1 King 13: 15-20 NKJV).
So the man of God went back, he ate
and drank, he met disaster in his life, he was devoured by a lion. What a great
lesson we can learn from the idea of accepting and building on the prophecy and
revelation of others. You must watch it.
Recommendation by
friends and well wishers:
Recommendation of a girl as future
life partner by friends and well wishers to a young man is a common practice in
this part of the world. But it is a wrong method of spiritual guidance in
choosing a life partner. Many of our young men who live in the cities often
visit their country homes and inform their parents, friends, and well wishers
that they are preparing to get married and settle down on their own, they mean
business to get married as urgently as possible. The next thing is to introduce
a girl of their choice to the young man as a very good and nice looking girl as
a proposed life partner. The girl will not also know the background and
spiritual build-up of the young man. This is not a godly method of choosing a
life partner.
A young man from the city went to
their home pastor during the Christmas period, he met the pastor of a
particular local church and told him of his mission and readiness to get
married, within a given period. The pastor of the local church fixed a date
with the young man from the city, and invited three girls to the parsonage at a
particular day.
While the young man from the city was
with the pastor, the three girls came in, one after the other as they were all
at the parsonage, the young man from the city was busy assessing the girls,
looking at each of the young girls, after the session, the city young man then
made a choice out of the three girls presented and arranged for him. The young
city man wedded one of the girls, but the marriage lasted for only one year.
This is not the best way to choose a
life partner, even if all girls are Christians. Read what the Bible says in the
book of first Samuel. “...For the Lord
does not see as a man sees, for man looks at the outward appearance, but the
Lord looks at the heart.” (1 Samuel16:7 NKJV). . For more
information or Counseling on home, family life, marriage life or parenting and choosing life partner contact him @ mail:pastorrolandenearu@yahoo.com or call +
2348084999199, +234 7033600002 visit: www.euniceroland.blogspot.com; www.pastorroland.blogspot.com; www.happyhomeandlife.blospot.com; www.facebook.com/Pst Roland Enearu; www.facebook.com/Pastor Dr Roland Enearu; www.facebook.com/Happy Home and Life Outreach; www.linkedin.com/Pastor Dr. Roland Enearu; www.twitter.com/Happy Home and Life1959Roland